Screw up

I know my last post was about how wonderfull and amazing my parents are and that hasn't changed at all. If anything it's increased but i feel like the biggest screw up in. They are talking to me resonably and being considerate, i wish they would yell and tell me i'm an F up and that i need to get my act together because this is BS. But no they tell me they love me and help me. I feel like a disapointment in every way possible, I can't keep letting them down like this because if it's not killing them it's killing me knowing that i am letting them down, I hate myself more then anything right now and i can't handle it. I feel like i'm letting so many people down and it's not just this last couple of days or the last week it's the last couple of months. I couldn't help brandon enough i lied to my parents of all people when i needed them the most, I'm an idiot and i HAVE to get out of this God forsaken rut i'm in or i'm screwed.